One thing we’re asked to do in our church is hold weekly Family Home Evenings. Or FHE. It’s once a week (typically Mondays) we spend time together and usually sing, have a lesson, pray and always have a dessert of some kind. Anyway- this week I decided that our lesson should be on First Time Listening and Our House Rules.
The girls have been completely out of control since we’ve moved. I keep waiting for them to snap out of it. It’s not happening- in fact it’s getting worse. Even Ashley- who is usually the ‘good kid’ is completely ignoring me until I yell at her. I don’t like being ‘that mom’, Yet I find myself yelling all day long every day. So I’m not yelling anymore. I refuse. I came up with a plan. I presented this plan in FHE tonight.
We opened with a Primary Song. Quickly I’ll Obey. The words go like this:
When my mother calls me, quickly I’ll obey. I want to do just what is right, each and every day.
When my father calls me, quickly I’ll obey. I want to do just what is right, each and every day.
Then we talked about what it means to do something the first time. We talked about what it means to be obedient. We practiced following directions the first time. I asked everyone to put their hands on their heads. Then everyone got an M&M. I asked everyone to cover their eyes, everyone got an M&M. Etc. Then Annika got down to run around. So I announced loudly that everyone who was sitting at the table got an M&M. She quickly came back- but too late. This happened several times before she ‘got it’ and decided to sit and participate.
I showed them four jars that I had with 10 M&Ms in each of them. They each have a jar with their names on them. When they are ‘first time listeners’ then they get an M&M from my jar. When they aren’t then I get one from their jar. At the end of the day (after dinner and jammies are on) then they get to eat whatever M&Ms are left in their jar. At bedtime they start over. They get 10 more M&Ms in their jar. Bedtime has been a particularly hard thing since moving here.
After discussing the jars we made a list of house rules. I let the kids help me come up with rules and consequences. We came up with 8. Megan was the first to break a rule (no jumping on the couch) and had to do a chore (load the dishwasher) as her consequence.
So far tonight Megan, Annika and Cori have lost all their M&M’s for bedtime battles. I’m hoping it’ll improve. Sigh.
All of this is based on my friend Arlyn’s ‘marble jar’ method. I’m hoping the M&Ms are a little more tangible to them. We’ll see. Remind me to update you on our progress.
I love the ideas you pass along. I need to remember them for the future when I have kids. It’s amazing how you change surroundings and children forget how to act. (The teachers at school attribute behavior fluctuations to changes in barometric pressure, so maybe it’s also the weather!)
Don’t thank me yet. Check back in a week. Then we’ll see how it’s going..
We’re totally having a problem with first time listening.
Lilah never listens and always wants a ‘choice’. Her choice is usually do what I ask or go to time out.
I think it’s time for a FHE on listening. I don’t think Jon would go for the m&m reward though. He thinks the girls are actually worse when we have sweets everyday.
I just think they’re kids.
Actually Lacey Lilah is at a very good age for choices. Have you ever read Love and Logic for Early Childhood? It’s got some good concepts in it. One of them is offering choices as many times as you can in a day. It offers an element of ‘control’ which kids ags 2-5ish crave. But when you offer choices it’s always between two things that that are fine to choose.
“Do you want to wear the red shirt or the green shirt”
“Do you want to leave now or in 5 minutes?” (when you’re planning on leaving in five minutes anyway)
“Do you want to go to bed with or without a story?”
“Do you want you sandwhich cut into triangles or squares?”
“Do you want to put on your jacket or carry it?”
Then when it’s time for something that’s non-negotiable you point out that this time ‘it’s not a choice’ and that they’ve been given choices all day long.
I find my especially stubborn children (megan and annika) respond well to this.
My friend Arlyn does the same sort of reward system but with marbles in and out of jars. When they get a certain number of marbles then they get a treat/reward of some kind. My younger three don’t seem to have the long term forsight to make this work.
I’m expecting this to take a couple weeks with the middle two- but I’m hoping for better behavior from Ashley in the next day or two. She’s all about the visual rewards.
I can’t wait to hear how it turns out. Sounds like a good plan
good luck with it. i’m keeping an eye on this. we’ve been struggling with obeying the first time, too.
That’s a really great idea! We’ve recently ripped off…er…flatteringly imitated a version of “Accountable Kids” cards. Simpler than theirs, cheaper than theirs, probably less effective than theirs, but I’m OK with the baby steps!
You are AMAZING!!!!!! This is exactly what I was looking for for our FHE lesson tonight. All I have are giant ears … what am I suppose to do with that!? ha ha ha My girls have been crazy lately. We told them we’re having another baby 2 weeks ago, and they’ve been off the hook ever since. I’m talkin’ mouthing off, ignoring us, running a muck, going outside without permission, and being full-on rascals. My husband actually checked out the other day because it was unbelievable. I am DEFINITELY going to try the M&M jar. Maybe I’ll put the ears on them. Waste not, want not.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing.