I’m a little bummed- and The Punishment
Published by amberlicious January 27th, 2010 in How I torment my kids, How my kids torment me, Sometimes I'm smartI’ve not made any money today. None. Of course on the bright side someone else has picked up toilet flushing responsibility. I’ll have to look for a new source of revenue.
On to Megan’s ‘retraining’ or ‘punishment’.
Remember the yelling, the screaming, the tantruming, the anger. Oh- the constant anger. She’s 7. Not 13. Shocking I know. I dread 13. But if at 7 this is the behavior we’re experiencing then 13 is going to be way out of hand. So I spent my day cleaning out her room. Not only cleaning- but cleaning OUT. I moved out all of her possessions, furniture, wall hangings, even her mattress. Her room was empty. Four bags of garbage. A mound of things on the kitchen table that didn’t belong to her (but she had hidden in her room). Three boxes of things for the thrift store. Two boxes of possessions I was going to let her earn back. Her closet was locked. I was now the picker of the clothes.
I was expecting hysteria when she came home from school. Screaming, yelling, name calling, crying. I didn’t get that. Instead I got disbelief and then shock followed by complete obedience. I informed her I was tired of fighting with her and I was officially refusing to do it anymore. That to help her not to have so many things to fight about I was going to be in charge of her life. If she’d like a blanket and a pillow to sleep with that night she could start washing her walls. No complaining, no whining- just quickly doing as she was asked. She did it.
I told her that if she were a model child it would take at least a month to earn everything back. My goal is to make a habit of good behavior. It’s working. She’s a different child. She’s happy. HAPPY. The lying has (mostly) stopped. I haven’t fought with her about waking up and going to school since. Homework is happening with out major battles. Is she perfect? No. But I’m not expecting perfection- just normal human behavior- I think we’re mostly there. I can actually enjoy her again. I don’t feel like I’m walking on eggshells as to not wake the angry giant anymore. It’s lovely.
Extreme? yes. Worth is? Very much so.
You are my hero. H-e-r-o.
I am getting ready to try something extreme for Carter- I swear that kid is something else and once you set him off-wow- watch out!! I really am going to have to think about doing something like this.
Lindsey Barlow’s last blog post..Food is not her friend
AMEN! You are seriously my hero. Brilliant. I really hope I can remember this a few years down in case of emergency. Seriously. I’m glad it’s working!
Way to go!!!
I’m glad she’s responding well to your method.
Jillybean’s last blog post..Walking across the carpet, feeling the water squish between my toes….
Sometimes drastic behavior requires drastic action. Glad it is working!
I have been having problems with my 7 year old daughter. She won’t wake up, eat breakfast or get dressed in the mornings. She throws fits and cries, and cries. Then I remembered you and your awesomeness. I did the exact same thing. It worked and she is earning her things back. She is a totally different child. Matter of fact–as I type this she is sitting at the table eating breakfast so nicely.
Jillene’s last blog post..Hmmmm……
I’m glad to here it’s working. I don’t know how much further you could’ve taken it if it hadn’t.
Katie’s last blog post..Carlsbad Caverns
I know I’ve said this like 500 times, but it was THE BEST thing we ever did. Totally worth it.
Char’s last blog post..Valentine Chair Backer
I’m so glad it’s still working. Keep me posted with updates!
Heatherann’s last blog post..Valentines is Comin Up
That is BRILLIANT! I need to remember that for possible future use with my #2. Do you have any tricks for 2 year olds with rage&aggression/alternating with being the most charming child ever?!
Lady of Perpetual Chaos’s last blog post..Recipe Swap Wednesday-Help With Your Diet
Desperate times….Desperate measures.
Hannah U.’s last blog post..Dear Life
You are seriously a brilliant woman. Brilliant and brave and soooooo smart!
I did this too! Although my kid was 12 at the time, I made her earn everything back. She’s now 18 and an amazing girl. It’s been a long tough road, but that’s why it’s called tough love. If it was easy, it’d be caled something else.
MAriah’s last blog post..Change
I am sorry to hear it had to take THIS extreme measure to change the child’s behavior.
There is a program out there for particularly tough to deal with children (like those diagnosed with Asperger’s who like to argue and those with Oppositional Defiant Disorder.). It is called The Total Transformation Program.
I’m not trying to sell the program. But I used it myself when I reviewed it for one of my articles. My child, Thomas, was extremely defiant, rude, obnoxious and even abusive. He isn’t that anymore and I didn’t have to become my son’s jailer.
Although I do give you kudos for standing up to your daughter’s behavior
It is never acceptable.
Thanks for sharing the follow up. I was wondering how it was working out.
Bravo!! I love this. Love it. You are a strong and brave mom to do this and, I believe, that your relationship with your daughter will be stronger and better for all of this. I applaud you.
Shanna’s last blog post..I wanna hold your ha-a-a-nd….I wanna hold your hand!
I read about this tactic! Congrats to you for taking charge and not giving in to society’s “Let them be kids and run all over you while you serve their every whim.”
Jessica G.’s last blog post..Swap Attack
My sister did this with Luca and Anthony. Very similar results and now all it takes is a threat to have it happen again. We may do this with the play room in the near future…
Sabra’s last blog post..You should see the other guy
“I informed her I was tired of fighting with her and I was officially refusing to do it anymore.”
I really think this was an important phrase. You let her know you weren’t doing it to be mean, you were doing it so you could be nice. And then you said you wanted to help her.
Good job.
Don’t forget the old standby: take the door off the hinges. They HATE that! Can’t even get dressed in your own room, no privacy, no door slamming, siblings roaming in freely. Hate it. Worked with mine!
wendy’s last blog post..Two New Foofs
Benjamin is my yeller. I confiscated all his favorite toys and now he has to earn them back. We started the color card system that they use at school at home. If he gets on red, no toy.