Coming Face to Face With My Own Personal Predjudices…
Published by amberlicious March 31st, 2009 in blah blah blah, me me meI like to think I’m a pretty fair person. I won’t judge you by your religion, color of your skin, apparent size of your bank account etc. But I had an experience last week that made me rethink my own personal prejudices.
I was driving down a main road in our city and saw a small girl with a handful of toys and no jacket (and it was chilly) walking on the sidewalk by herself. The road she was walking on was 40 mph with a lot of cars. I passed her and watched in the rear view mirror and saw her step off the sidewalk and into the gutter. I immediately did a u-turn and pulled up to two men (who had each been in their own cars) were trying to get her to the sidewalk without touching her. I hopped out and as three strangers we tried to decide on a course of action. I talked to the little girl and found out she was 3 and her name was Amalie or Emery, or Emily (it was hard to decipher) and when I asked her where she lived she kept pointing across the large, busy street.
I had my four girls plus a niece in the car with me so I stuck close by and knocked on the immediate doors. One man went farther down the street and the other went around the corner to the street where he lived to ask a neighbor who we was fairly certain would know who the child belonged too if she was from close by (she was in charge of the children’s organization at church).
Most the houses on that immediate street were vacant and the one woman I did talk to didn’t recognize the girl. By the the man who’d gone further down the street came back empty handed and it had been about 20 minutes since we stopped. Not knowing if the other man was coming back at this point I put in a call to 911. I was on the phone with the 911 operator when the second man came back saying he’d found the grandmother of the little girl who was frantically searching the next street over. He offered to take the little girl over there in his car.
I couldn’t let him. I couldn’t send this little girl with a man that I didn’t know to find her grandmother. I knew that I was safe. I also appeared safe since I had 5 kids in the car and certainly didn’t need another one and he was a man that I didn’t know and instinctively didn’t trust with a little girl that wasn’t his. I felt responsible for her welfare and safety and my gut reaction was to not send her with a man. One who’d just spent almost a half hour trying to help her.
I did get her to grandma (I didn’t keep her) who was quite frantic and distraught that she’d lost her granddaughter while babysitting. The little girl didn’t seem scared or upset in the least.
I tell my kids if they ever get lost to look for a mom or a grandma to help the find me again. Realistically the chances of a random man being a predator are pretty slim, but I’ve obviously subconsciously decided otherwise.
Is this a good thing? A bad thing? A product of the society we live in?
Back to day 1
You never know. You were right in what you did. At least I think so.
Julie’s last blog post..A Funny Thing Happened Last Night
My opinion..for what its worth…its a product of the society we live in. Sad, but true. I don’t know that its good or bad either way. I think statistically men are more likely to be offenders, so naturally we would gravitate towards a less ‘common predator’ -female. Again, a product of our society.
(Me) Danielle’s last blog post..Operation: Be Prepared
You did the right thing. Better to err on the side of caution and the little gir’s safety, than to worry about appearing “mean” or “prejudiced.”
*long-time lurker
No way is this a bad thing! My dad always told us to look for a grandma or Mother with children. (He would actually sing it, I think it was from the safety kids) You just never know. We live in a scary world.
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How scary! Good for you for sticking with her! It is so sad that we can’t trust people these days! Good tip to tell kids though! I will make sure to tell mine today!
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I tell my kids the same thing. It’s sad that the world we live in has come to not letting you trust those you come into contact with, even someone who seems perfectly nice and is trying to help. There are many wonderful, caring, helpful men out there and there are many women that commit heinous crimes, but, statistically, a woman with children is more likely to be safe than a man alone. Perhaps that is prejudice on my part, as well, but I call it erring on the safe side.
A wise choice given the society we live in. I would have done the same. It isn’t predjudice, it is reality, sadly. She was a lucky little girl that THREE people stopped to help. Sometimes I love Utah. This is one of those times.
Jo’s last blog post..Mountain Monday Lamentations
I think that it’s reasonable to have a healthy fear. It IS too bad that we make these scary assumptions, but unfortunately, many of them are true.
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I’ve been working on that exact same thing with my 4 year old lately. And I probably would have done the same thing. I also would have assumed that a man that would not harm the little girl would also understand that someone might not be comfortable sending a little girl alone with a strange man to be taken back to a grandmother that no one else knows about. Sadly, I think it is a product of the world we live in, but it’s way better to be safe than sorry. And, if this man has children or ever will, he would probably feel the same way. Why take an unnecessary risk?! And, honestly, I probably would have done the same thing even if I had known the man…because I’m paranoid about stuff like that. It’s not just strangers that can be dangerous.
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More than likely he was not a predator, but I think you’re daughters may have taken note that you let the little girl go with a grown man and maybe in a time of crisis forget your rule of finding a mother or grandma.
I think it’s a good thing that you didn’t let the girl go with him, and hopefully he took no offense and should have understood why you would not want the girl to go with him. Jon and I talk about things and he always regrets that as a male children and women would be more timid towards him in a situation such as what happened to you, but understands that even though he’s safe, not all males are and tries not to interfere over step boundaries. He would have never offered to take the girl alone because he understands how that can be interpreted.
We talk to the girls about finding people if they get lost or separated from us and making sure they find someone to help them and not the other way around. And to find a nice mom or grandma if they’re not at a store.
It is a product of society because more than likely it’s people we know who are going to take our children, but at the same time unknown males are seen as a constant threat to our children.
I think you made the right choice. I had to tell a friend recently that her son couldn’t babysit for us because he was a boy and then having her daughter come over would be a problem because I would have been gone and Jon would have had to take her home and we don’t allow that. She agreed and said they have the same rules and said she understood.
I know her son would have been fine with my children and that my husband would be fine taking any babysitter home, but we also want to protect ourselves and our daughters and not be put in an bad situation with someone else who might not be as trusting. Blanket rules are better than gut feeling rules. That way you’re excluding all, and yes being prodigious because of gender, but it’s what we have to do in a corrupt society, plus it’s easier to say no to everyone rather than saying yes to mostly everyone and having to say no to the a specific person you may not trust.
It’s definitely a product on the society we live in, hun. I don’t think I know anyone who wouldn’t have reacted the same way.
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Honey, you’re right on.
I love the song from Safety Kids: “Look for a grandma or mother with children.”
The man shouldn’t have been offended at ALL. He should have been proud that you were being safe.
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I think it’s gut instincs. You should always follow those, no matter how “nice” the strange man looks. There was a professor in college that I had a knot in my gut over for the longest time. Everybody (at least almost everybody) LOVED him! I baby sat for his children. The first time I ever did, his oldest girl, who was about 12 at the time, told me, “My dad is not as great a man as every body thinks he is!” After knowing the family for six years, and baby sitting for them that whole time, I found out some pretty crazy stuff about him. And he wasn’t even a total stranger. (I know. Barely related to this situation.) Trust has to be gained.
I think you provided a service or protection for the man not just for the little girl.
So many men have been wrongly accused, so I ALWAYS let male teachers or male friend know that they should NEVER be alone with a little girl or teenage girl in order to PROTECT themselves from false accusations.
My prejudices now turn to negligent grandmothers.
I’m glad you were able to find that girl’s grandmother and get her back to safety.
Katie’s last blog post..Lily’s Baptism
You definitely did the right thing. I wouldn’t send a little girl in a car with anyone NOR would I have taken the little girl in my car myself. I would wait for the police to arrive and let them take care of transporting her.
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Good job Amber! I would have done the same thing.
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I don’t even think of it as prejudice. Men ARE more likely to abuse children. Women ARE more likely to protect them. And I like what a previous commenter said about it being for the men’s protection, too: because men ARE more likely to abuse children, they shouldn’t get into situations where they appear to have the opportunity to do so—just in case.
My dad once helped a lost girl, and he was very very careful to NOT suggest she get in his car and to get my mom involved immediately.
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It is sad how society has got us this way. I keep telling my husband to take care as he has done the same thing a few times to children lost in stores, no parent around so he goes to take them to the stores info desk - it upsets him that people don’t trust him or others. The likely hood of a predator is so, so slim but media keeps forcing it and makes most people believe most men are.
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