This just might work…
Published by amberlicious March 5th, 2008 in How I torment my kids, Sometimes I'm smartSo I’ve got four kids. Ages 9, 5, 4, and almost 3. I was diligent with my oldest. She was folding and putting away laundry by the age of 3. She could put away toys, help empty the dishwasher set the table by that age as well. I always just expected it of her and she would step up to the task. I also had the time to train her properly- well, and took the time. When she was 3 1/2 I was on bedrest, pregnant with her long awaited sister. She was capable of making lunch for the two of us by then. She would also do pretty much anything I asked of her.
I’ve since gotten lazy. The trick with Ashley (child #1) was that I did most things with her. We worked together because there was nothing else distracting us. With the birth of Megan (child #2) life got crazy and by the time Megan was 2 1/2 we’d been blessed with Child #3 (Annika) and Child #4 (Cori). I switched from ‘teaching mode’ to ’survival mode.’ Teaching kids how to do chores is time consuming, it easily makes a 10 minute task into a 30 minute (or more) task with much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth (and that’s only on my part). I didn’t have time to deal with it- I had so much more then I could handle just keeping them alive that teaching them to work has fallen by the wayside.
My mom (hi mom) keeps saying, ‘just have them help you’ and I keep saying, ‘it’s just easier to do it myself.’ I know intellectually that it’s winning the battle to lose the war. If I don’t teach them now then my job will just get harder and harder and I’m not actually doing my job, which is to raise adults who function in the ‘real world’.
I’ve been stewing over how to accomplish this for several weeks- and a couple weeks ago read this post at The Lazy Organizer. This quote hit me the hardest:
Basically here is my rule for working around the house. “If momma’s working,everyone’s working.” That’s it. And we work every day. I never ever ever clean after my kids go to bed. There are no cleaning fairies at our house. We always work together.
I grew up with a job chart. They varied but generally there were enough jobs or sets of jobs for all 9 kids. Usually the jobs were divided into beginner and advanced and the older kids rotated through the advanced jobs and the younger kids rotated through the beginner jobs. But we all learned to work and contribute to the household. We rarely got allowance, we were just expected to contribute since we lived in the house and ate the food. It was a good thing. But I’ve tried that as a parent and I’m lacking the follow through- and I hate the nagging. I want my kids to beg me to have the privilege to do chores. Is that asking too much?
Another thing I’ve been thinking about is that last part- We always work together. That I think is the one part where our job system was difficult. The worst worst worst job was dishes. It took forever and everyone hated it. I still to this day hate it. But for some reason doing the dishes (mostly by hand) after Thanksgiving was enjoyable. But it’s because you weren’t the only one in the kitchen. That’s something we talked about in our Love and Logic class too, if there is a chore then everyone does it together.
To this day I put off clean up after dinner. I hate spending an hour to make dinner only to have everyone eat it in 10 minutes or less and leave, leaving me with a table to clear (although I try diligently to get the kids to put their dishes in the dishwasher) counters to wipe, a table and benches to wipe, the floor in the dining room to vacuum, the floor in the kitchen to sweep, a dishwasher to fill and leftover pans to wash by hand. I can easily spend 30-60 minutes cleaning up, by myself. Most the time it means that I leave it until morning (don’t tell the fly lady).
Anyway (I realize this is getting very lengthy) I’ve been stewing over this trying to come up with a plan, and over the last couple weeks a plan has come together. I presented my plan to the girls last night during Family Home Evening. I talked about how I was feeling overwhelmed with the house and keeping it clean and asked them if they liked living in a clean house. Then we talked about how in a family everyone works together and pitches in. I had them tell me what chores they thought they could do. Then I presented my plan to them.
I have a box full of wonderful wonderful things. Stuff like coloring books, boxes of crayons, those velvet mini posters, silly putty, bracelets, stickers and sparkly pencils (can you tell it’s just for girls?) I asked them if they’d like to have chances to earn stuff from the box. They were all very enthusiastic about that. I told them that I had a list of things that they could do to earn points every day and that with those points they could earn stuff from the box at the end of the week. We’d keep a running list of tally marks on the fridge and the more they did the more points they’d get. I’m also putting some bigger stuff in, a date with mom or dad, a new webkinz, etc. Things that I’m anticipating taking 4+ weeks to earn. Some things are specialized- Megan get’s points for staying dry at night, while Ashley doesn’t. But Ashley can earn points by getting 100% on her spelling test.
So tonight after dinner I started handing out assignments. Megan pretty much immediately said, ‘it’s too hard’ which is her usual response to anything she doesn’t want to do. I didn’t have a chance to respond (I was going to tell her she didn’t have to do it- but that her sisters would get her points if they did it) when Ashley piped up, ‘Megan if we help then we get points and we can get stuff from the box at the end of the week.’ Megan was instantly helpful and cheerfully helped until we were done, and then went and cleaned her room! Annika found her new calling in life, emptying the dishwasher. Her OCD is well suited for getting the right sized spoons and forks into the right spots in the drawer. Even Cori was helpful and did everything I asked her too. But the bonus? Dinner was cleaned up within 20 minutes and I didn’t have to do it by myself! What more could a girl ask for?
Well- for kids not to leave a trail from the front door to their room (shoe, shoe, coat, sock, backpack, other sock). But now I have the power to not only give points- but take them away. If you create more work for me (I’m not picking it up- but reminding you to do it is work) then I’m earning points from you. It’s genius I tell you, GENIUS!!
I’ll keep you updated..
How do you teach your kids to work?
What is your least favorite chore?
Do you love the dollar store as much as me?
I found your blog on google and read a few of your other posts. I just added you to my Google News Reader. Keep up the good work. Look forward to reading more from you in the future.
Stacey Derbinshire
We still have our marble cups. My kids know if I find it on the floor, I have every right to throw it away. I’m finding things aren’t as important to them as I thought!
I’m loving this idea. I think I’m going to go shopping today. I’m going to put together a box and start figuring up points and etc. I am praying this works for you and that it will work for me.
Consistency is the key. It’s about putting up with the battle long enough for them to realize you are serious. I think chores are something every parent struggles with and I’m surprised at how many parents quit trying after a while.
When I have a good schedule going, then things work well. When I don’t, things get all out of kilter and I have to fight the battle again. Bleh.
If the chore I don’t do is the one I hate the most, then I hate cleaning bathrooms and vaccuumming. Ah well.
Good luck.
I love posts like these - I store them away for when Punkin is old enough to understand (not much longer, I might add!).
As soon as she get it, I’m pulling out the big guns and using it.
Amen, sista! You have totally inspired me. I am the clean-it-by-myself kind of person, and I’m exhausted. I think I’m going to try this. Thanks for the brilliant idea!
This was awesome! Everyone should work together.
In a book I love (The potentially sane Mother’s guide to raising young children) She talks about how they decided that they were a family “team’ and that meant the whole team had to work together. She says her children love to help out and offer to picth in to help the team.
I recomend this book, deseret book! Tamara Fackrell is the author.
I hate to sweep and mop! I love to have it done though. If someone would sweep and mop for me everyday I would be happy! I also love to vaccum, but not the stairs, oh yuck!
Im having the same issues with my children. Let me know how this works. I might have to steal if from you.
I am so interested in how this will go. I just tried to teach mine how to hang their shirts. Thing 2 got it Thing 1 got mad that it wasn’t so easy.
We actually implemented this a few weeks ago and it didn’t go down very well. Each point on the chart was 10 cents. Alexis gave up after a day or two and decided that $2 was just fine…she didn’t need anymore for the week. Then we decided to take it away, she doesn’t get money and she still has to do the work…I really hope it works for you though!
My least favorite chore is cleaning the bathrooms, and exactly the thing that I wouldn’t ask my kids to do (yet?) because it’s too yucky. Although now that I think about it, my mom had me cleaning bathrooms every weekend at my oldest daughter’s age…)
My 9-year old has a list of chores that she does weekly and then some everyday ones, too. I think she just gets it all of a sudden that I do A LOT of work around the house and her natural sense of fairness kicks in. Which is not to say that she’s always cheerful about her work, but if I remind her that these are her jobs and offer to swap, say, vacuuming the house or scrubbing toilets which are my chores…well, then she’s happy to do HER jobs.
My almost-3-year-old wants to do “big girl things” like her older sister, so getting her to do a few jobs has been comparatively easy! The word’s still out on the 3-month old…
Great post! I read the whole thing and didn’t think it was too long at all. Please keep us posted!
I so need to get better at this. I have my moments, but I need to be more on focus with it. Great reminder!
1. Well, so far, I have a first and only born, so she’s pretty easy to train so far. Though I am wanting to add some responsibility and maybe an allowance now that we’ve reached 5. I like the prize box though; that is used at school and seems to reward well.
2. My least favorite chore: putting laundry away and mopping floors (though I’ll sweep anytime)
3. The $ Store. Yes! Love it!
Good luck! Sounds like you started off with a good bang! Keep it up! It will pay off in the end!!
Hey, some great ideas! I think I will implement a sort of point chart, too. Also, my kids are very visual so seeing the progress of check marks or smiley faces is a big thing.
I was going to make a countdown to bedtime. I have a half wall along the top of the stairs that goes along the kids’ hallway. So I want to stall little hooks on the wall and then laminate cards with pictures of the things the need to do each night: jammies, bedtime drink, put away 5 toys, clean and put away glasses, bedtime story, family prayer, and tuck in. Once something is done, we flip the card. On the back would be something they need to do each morning before breakfast: potty, make bed, get dressed, put on socks, brush hair, good morning kisses. I keep thinking about how they would able to follow this…now I just need to get off my duff and DO IT!
And yes, the Dollar Store is like a paradise on a budget.
Way to go Mom! It is so much more fun to work together. Let me know how things go for you. I’m sure you will make a lot of changes in your system over time. We sure have.